Please Be Advised...

I love advice columns. Like most people, I seek out advice but will only follow the advice I want to hear, regardless of whether it's the right advice. So I guess that we don't really want advice, we want confirmation that the course we're following (or plan to follow) is legitimate in some way.

That said, there are a couple of columns that I follow pretty religiously: Smart and Sassy, Since You Asked (requires a subscription to Salon.com, but you can usually get a free pass every day by watching an ad), and Think Mink. I'm not sure what the turnaround time is on the questions asked, but it must be fairly short because the questions are so damn specific and yet so long-winded and screwed up that these advice seekers can't possibly wait the six months for an answer the way those who wrote to the advice columns printed in the newspapers and magazines used to.

Remember the days of Good Abby? What should I bring to a wedding?, My mother-in-law hates me!, How much should I spend on presents for my stepkids? Indeed, her columns seemed designed to answer general problems that we as a society might have. I mean, can you imagine some poor bloke putting off her wedding for nine months until she heard from Dear Abby whether her fiance was a rotten scoundrel? Ironically. if Abby concured that, indeed, he was, the poor bloke woulda married him anyway.

I would like to start an an advice column (if I didn't have the blog and the journal), but I would keep in mind that the advice seekers didn't want my advice, just his or her advice giftwrapped with my seal of approval.

Yes, marry the bastard who's cheated on you three times and gave you the clap. He really does love you. He's just insecure and wants to make you jealous, because even if he has four kids out of wedlock, you rock his world. He cannot live without you. Or your money and servitude. But mostly you. Now go and give him another chance, girl, before he tries to make you jealous again!