On the Receiving End

Holidays are a weird time for me because, even though I love giving gifts, I hate receiving them. I'm just not a good receiver, I don't know—most of my joy is in seeing other people happy. When I get a gift, I worry more about whether I spent a similar amount of time in selecting and purchasing a gift for the giver. I am trying to be more gracious about gift receiving these days because I know it is a problem for me—people have actually pointed out that I don't get very excited. I am excited inside, but I guess I'm uncomfortable that someone has spent so much time and effort on me. Usually that's the part that shows. Argh, it's one of those codependent hangups coming home to roost.

My other neurotic hangup is nervousness. Someone told me once that if you get really nervous about doing something, it's because you care and want to get it right. Well, that's all well and good, but what happens when your nervousness sabotages that which you care about? For instance, sometimes I get so nervous (especially in social situations) that it'd be easier to stay home. I wish I would receive the gift of confidence this year. Or Xanax.